Here is a list of many of the things I hate. Believe me, this is nowhere near the entire list of things I hate, but its a start.
So here is a list of 10 Random Things I Hate Pt. One:
- Kids with a perpetually runny nose. C’mon mom and dad, do your fucking jobs and get that kid some allergy meds or something. The rest of the world thinks your kid is a fucking sick weirdo and grosses us out. Seeing that shit makes me vomity. VOMITY. So don’t just wipe it, FIX IT. Or keep that little shit at home and out of the world where people DO NOT run around with perpetually runny noses, because WE, know better.
- Your asshole dog. I love dogs. They are probably my favorite animal outside of my home. I have both dogs and cats, and I love all my furbabies, but what I hate is when I got to your house and your fucking asshole dog is a goddamned dick. I had my neighbor’s dog attack my fucking hands because he didn’t want me to save him from the busy street we lived on. When my kids were little, we’d go to my ex’s BFF’s house and their fucking fucktwat dachshund would attack my baby’s feet in his carrier and they refused to put him in a bedroom or in a cage. Let me tell you something: if your dog attacks my baby? I will kick it. And I won’t think twice. I love dogs and I do not condone animal abuse in any way, but I am first and foremost a mama bear protecting her cub. This dog’s brother “Rudy” would take his little fat ass and get on the table and eat all the food before you sat down. Piece of advice here, dumbasses: put your dog away before company comes if your dog is a fucking asshole!
- Neighbors who believe my yard is their yard. My neighbors mean well. I know they do. They are sweet and nice and awesome. Except when they put poison in my yard to kill weeds (when I told them before I don’t like that) or when they pull my weeds when I wanted those weeds or when they move my shit and don’t put it back. Or making decisions about my trees when they aren’t on their property. They are “yardwork people” and we clearly aren’t. But its MY damn yard. And I don’t get why people are sooooooooooo involved in what their neighbors do in their own damn yards. Their yard is none of my business, as mine isn’t theirs. The same goes for my family who show up at six-oh-fucking-clock in the morning to clean my yard when I didn’t ask them to and then get mad because we refuse to help them. Well, I don’t want you here, and yet you’re still here. What do you think will happen?
- People who hate dogs (or cats). If you hate dogs because dogs are annoying (not because you’re scared of them) or hate cats? Be sure I will not like you. AND I will deduce you must have a mental illness because normal people do not hate dogs or cats, only assholes do. Put this theory to the test: find a person who hates dogs or cats, and see if they are nice people. You will find, they probably aren’t. And most likely, they are cruel and might be mass-murderers. Keep your eye on them….and don’t leave them alone with your children.
- Holiday bell ringers. I will shove that fucking bell up their fucking little assholes if they don’t shut the fuck up with that shit. I actually started a petition on Change.org to get this practice to stop. These fuckers will see you walk by, RING LOUDER and then watch as you plug your ears and THEN RING EVEN LOUDER! Fuck you assholes! I have extremely sensitive hearing. To the point, your bell ringing HURTS MY EARS! Find a new thing to do, like, oh I don’t know, SING A FUCKING HOLIDAY SONG! I’d much rather be jamming out to Jingle Bells the song, rather than a man jingling HIS bell. That sounds dirty. Fucking dirty ass perverted bell ringers. “Ring My Bell” by Anita Ward means to make her climax. Think about that one for a minute. Fucking so-called Christian organization getting their orgasms on by shaking their groove thangs for a quarter. “Stick a quarter in my kettle and I’ll ring my own bell for you *wink wink*”. Dirty mother fuckers.
- Uber Christians. You know, those people that throw god or Jesus into every sentence? Or those who every single conversation ends up being a religious debate? Or those who wear Jesus paraphernalia and adorn themselves in WWJD bullshit? Or those who litter their Facebook walls and Twitters with “The Lord” or “Him” (with a silly capital H) or whatnot? Just……ew. Stay away from me. You can be a god-believer without being a total freak, mmmkay? Don’t bother me if you are. I would like to pewp on your parade, okay? If you come at me with religious BS, I will come at you with some science and some fucking sci-fi bullshit. Why? Because its funny, that’s why. Sci-fi is no more real (well, actually, its WAAAAY more possible) than your religious silliness. I have Christian friends. They are normal people. I respect their beliefs. But I don’t respect religious freaky people. Keep off my doorstep and outta face, and we won’t have any issues, kapeesh?
- Fake-ass hippies who use fake-ass hippie language. There is a whole group of effing weirdos online that run around pretending to be new age hippies who use words like “soul-delicious” and “yummy” and “paradigm shifting” to describe their days. They also rewrite old words with stupid-ass capital letters where they don’t belong. Like “BEing” and “hOMe” (because it has the word OM in it, get it?). Am I targeting one person in particular? A little bit. But only because she was my most recent experience with one. Although she made an ENTIRE group of them—and many abandoned her because of her whackadoodleness. But the internet is LITTERED with them. She is in no way representative of an entire culture of whackadoodles because they’ve been there longer than she has been around. She didn’t invent this shit. But I still want to go around with a spork and poke all these hippie-dippies in the eyeballs so they can see the REAL light: they are effing off their rockers. What makes me sad about them is that they are ALL so disconnected from real life they feel they have to make up a fake little fairy-land to live in so they don’t have to deal with the reality of their lives. Its like they are so miserable (or possibly wacky) in real life, they have to escape online with some flowery language that nobody uses in real life. Or maybe they are actually mentally ill and I shouldn’t be picking on them at all? Well, whatever. They still annoy me.
- People who pretend to be something they aren’t online. We ALL hate liars who pretend to be, say, a hot girl, when they are really a 60 year old dude–aka, catfishes. So instead I will concentrate on those who portray a different lifestyle than what they are really living. Like radical unschooling gurus who have a fame obsession and pretend they are “gentle” and awesome parents, when in reality, they are liars who scream at their kids and are mentally unstable. OR take this: my friend who portrayed online she was just the best mama ever and always doing stuff with her kids, when it turned out she was on heroin and had pawned her kids off on friends to have them live with them. Nobody had any idea, that was until I ran into her kids with mutual friends and found out the kids were living with them. But sure as shit she talked about playing video games and whatnot with her imaginary children who didn’t live with her all over her facebook wall. And this particular story brings me to number 9:
- Parents who neglect their children. One online whackadoodle in particular takes her 2 little children along for the ride down “Imma fuck up parent lane”. She is constantly begging for money (because she believes she a real life gypsy), toting her children with her across the states of the US with NO plan for shit. She was in Oregon and asked everyone for $700 to get to TX for an unschooling conference, which she got via paypal. And so she went. WITH NO MONEY FOR THE RETURN TRIP. Ummmmmm, aren’t our jobs as parents to plan things out so we can protect our children? Did I mention while this was going on, she thought she could “THINK” money into her life by quitting getting foodstamps? Yes, clearly by refusing help to feed her children, money would magically appear in her life and save them all from poverty. Yay! Oh, and once she asked the group of hippie-dippies to send her money for food they could “stop eating peanut butter with a spoon” as food. Did I mention her daughter has type-1 diabetes? And that she had just recently gotten her children back from having them taken away from her because DCFS had been called on her several times by both family members and strangers alike? And yet she blames the person/people who called on her…when clearly it wasn’t how she was parenting in the least. Nope. Not her. Isn’t it fun to live in a world where you can be a totally awesome person and everyone around you is at fault for all your woes? My ex does the same thing. Hmmm, I kinda see a pattern here with those types of personalities. I think I am on to something here…..
- And last but not least (and certainly not last): Homeowners association dues, and those that pay them. It’s a joke, right? I BUY my house and MY land and I have to adhere to RULES for my neighbors about something I bought with my own money? Huh? Does that even make sense? Is that even legal? The thing is, these people happily pay them. Because it keeps the “riff raff” out, I was told. Snobs. I would be glad to stay out of neighborhoods where idiots actually give their bank-given rights as a homeOWNER to pay other idiots (for what, I don’t even know) and follow those same idiots’ rules about what they can do with their house and their lawn. Fuck that noise. My wish for those idiots is that a huge group people buy houses and rents them out to the “riff raffs”! Ha! That will teach them to be snobby ass mother fuckers.
So that’s my list. So far. I am a raging ball of hate sometimes and I thought to myself “Why not embrace what I hate? And turn it into a huge list?” Yay!!
Believe me, there will be more lists. But for now, just join me in hating these stupid 10 things (or not).